April 7, 2024 “Knowing is Believing”

Rena Turnham

The Venerable Rena Turnham
Second Sunday of Easter
April 7, 2024
St. John’s Episcopal Church – Minneapolis
John 20:19-31
“Knowing is Believing”
_____________________________________________________________________________
In the name of the One who makes all things new. Amen.
The Second Sunday of Easter always brings us the story of Thomas. Poor Thomas, he gets a bad
rap – forever branded as Doubting.
If we focus only on Thomas and label his behavior as simply ‘doubting,’ then we miss the
totality of what’s happening in our gospel text today.
Here we find the third post resurrection siting of Jesus. First it was Mary Magdelene at the
tomb, then it was the disciples in the locked room, and now Thomas.
With the deep grief that they must have felt, the utter loss and total disorientation, and the
darkness that enveloped them, and the FEAR – how could they possibly get their heads around
what they were really witnessing when Jesus appeared to them?
In Jesus’s death and resurrection, God had just done something so amazing, so miraculous, and
beyond human comprehension.
Jesus’s followers WANTED TO BELIEVE that this was not the end, at the same time they were
grappling with the horror and the reality of the crucifixion and the loss of their prophet,
teacher, and friend.
This is a familiar feeling for most of us. We desperately don’t want to let go of a loved one or a
relationship, or a life stage or a job.
Loss brings on grief, and we can sometimes lose our way and fall into darkness. This is when we
want to believe that things haven’t changed forever.
It’s when we have the hardest time seeing through the darkness and making our way towards
the light.
This is when it’s most difficult to believe.
We’re in such despair that hope seems impossible.
Maybe Thomas wasn’t looking for evidence or proof from Jesus, but rather he simply, AND
desperately, wanted what Mary and the other disciples got – to see, touch, and KNOW the
Risen Christ.
Jesus’ appearance to Thomas was a pastoral moment, meant just for Thomas.
Thomas heard that Jesus appeared to the disciples, and he so desperately wanted the same. So
Jesus comes to him, bidding him peace, as he had done with the other disciples. This peace is
more than a greeting, it was reassuring words of comfort and hope.
Have YOU ever received this kind of peace and assurance?
This story has brought to mind an encounter I had with the Holy, that’s stayed with me for over
a decade.
An encounter that I can’t explain. I continue to embrace in my heart and come back to from
time to time.
It’s become part of my knowing.
When I was in discernment for the diaconate, and I asked Bishop Prior for a meeting. I felt
unclear about my path, and I wanted to ask for his guidance.
The day of the meeting, I was driving to our diocesan offices, and I was coming late from
another appointment; I was closely watching the clock in my car.
One doesn’t want to show up late to a meeting with the bishop!
That morning we’d received a heavy, sloppy wet snowfall that made traffic slower than usual.
I felt anxious and pressured.
For some reason, as I was approaching St. Mark’s Cathedral near where the diocesan offices
used to be, on Clifton Street, I thought to myself that I would see a man at the corner asking for
money. I often did.
But this was the first time I had a “pre thought” of seeing someone there.
My practice at the time was to give money to panhandlers and to engage in conversation with
them.
SO in preparation for the man I was to see, I reached into my purse and pulled out a $10 bill.
As I approached the traffic light at the corner, sure enough, I saw a man at the corner. He held a
sign that said, “Anything helps.” HOLD THE SIGN
I unrolled my window and handed him the $10 bill.
He said thank you, and said, “Today’s my birthday!” I replied, “Happy Birthday!.”
And then there was silence between us. It was cold and we could see each other’s warm breath
in the air.
For a moment, I thought about inviting him for coffee at the Dunn Brothers nearby.
My next thought was, is this safe for me personally?
Is this proper and allowable in the ministry context?
I was torn; it was his birthday, he was in need, I was cold, and I was late to my meeting with the
bishop, and the traffic light was about to turn green. Cars were lined up behind me at that
point.
It seemed rude to roll up my window, dismissing this man and ending our encounter. At the
same time I was having trouble deciding where to focus my eyes. So I looked up and into the
distance.
Seeing St. Mark’s, I was reminded that they had daytime drop in space for those who need it.
Pointing at St. Mark’s, awkwardly I said to the man, “Do you see that church over there? They
have a warm space and hot meal for you.”
He looked at me, we locked eyes, and he said, “THE TEMPLE IS OUT HERE TOO.”
The temple is out here, too.
I said, “Yes, indeed it is.”
I knew instantly in that moment that this encounter was a gift from the Holy Spirit.
In that moment, I had clarity and peace about my way forward and my call as deacon.

My call is to help the church as an institution to turn itself inside out and return to its roots, and
to equip its members to ‘be the church’ – out there.
After what now seemed like an eternity, the traffic light turned green, I rolled up my window
and made my turn, and continued on my way to the diocesan offices to meet Bishop Prior.
I reached the parking lot, and I sat In the car for a moment.
I was no longer feeling rushed. It was as if time had stopped.
Did that REALLY HAPPEN??
Was what I had just experienced even possible?
I knew in my heart that it was.
I no longer had a need to talk to the bishop that day. I slowly walked into his office, wanting to
keep resting in that peace and in that wisdom I had just received.
I have no recollection of the meeting with Bishop Prior that day, other than my recounting to
him what had just happened as tears rolled down my face.
Perhaps wanting to believe, to know, is NOT the opposite of doubt.
Is it possible to believe, to have faith, and yet sometimes experience uncertainty and doubt?
Yes, it is.
I’ve experienced this, usually when I’ve lost my way.
We all have doubts, consciously and subconsciously. By that I mean we sometimes act from a
place of doubt and disbelief without having that self-awareness. It’s when we examine these
behaviors that our doubt is revealed to us.
And this is nothing to be ashamed of because the invitation from God is always there. God
seeks us, and God is unrelenting.
We’re human, aren’t we? How can any of us possibility imagine or understand the fullness of
the Triune God?
And yet, we seek to know, not through scientific proof, but it is our knowing that is centered in
the heart. That is where the Divine rests in all of us and where Jesus makes himself known to
us.
When we feel deep longing in our disconnection from the earth, in our isolation from others,
and in our turning away from the marginalized and the oppressed, we’re turning away from
God.
Our hunger and longing for love, mercy, forgiveness, healing, justice and kinship in own lives
and the lives of others is the invitation to seek Jesus and BE the very things that Jesus
embodied.
As we move to this table to share our meal of bread of wine, given to us by Jesus in the Last
Supper, we will once again share in Jesus and remember God’s promises to us.
And we will be made new, once again.
When Jesus made himself known to the disciples he bid them peace and breathed the Holy
Spirit into them and then told them TO GO-to be sent out from their locked room and into the
world to bring the good news of Jesus Christ to everyone they encountered, in thought, word
and deed.
And just as the disciples were gifted the Holy Spirit and were sent out into the world, by Jesus,
so it is with us.
Soon, Deacon Rex will send us from this very room as he shouts our dismissal, sending us out to
embody Jesus’ Way of Love.
…to be caught up in God’s outrageous ‘project of love,’ mercy, forgiveness, healing, kinship, and
justice, in the places we find ourselves, and not just inside this building, but OUT THERE in our
own lives, and in the world.
Where ARE YOU being sent to, and with whom?
I invite you to close your eyes, for just a moment, and look close in, centering yourself in your
heart.
What is happening in your relationships, in your neighborhood, in this community, in the
world?
What makes your heart break?
Now go there, with the help of the Holy Spirit, for this is where Jesus and his followers went.
And it’s where the heart of Jesus resides.
It’s where Jesus is being crucified daily—in broken relationships, in suffering, oppression, and
injustice, in the darkest places of our lives and the lives of others. This is where God promises
new life, with the help of the Holy Spirit and our active cooperation and collaboration.
Take your gifts and what you have learned from Jesus, and practice it, out there.
This is what it means to ‘be the church.’
Where are we, the community of St. John’s, being sent, as the church, and with whom?
Thomas didn’t understand who Jesus was and what Jesus meant in his life, until he saw Jesus’
scars. After that, he was transformed.
What evolved for Thomas and what evolves for us is our faith.
Our doubt never goes away and neither does our faith. It’s a journey, a journey of a lifetime.
And we’re sharing that journey together in the community we share at St. John’s.
As we move forward together in faith and in the uncertainty of a future yet unknown, we have
the opportunity to remember God’s faithfulness, rely on the gift of the Holy Spirit, and believe
we have everything we need move forward to go where and with whom God is calling us.
Our journey will continue, and we will continue to experience new life in Christ, for ourselves
and for the sake of the world.
Of that, I have no doubt.
Amen

10am Service